OK, I think they should have picked a different font for their sign....I doubt that I'm the only one who thought this read, 'Human Chinese Restaurant'. Not really the best advertising.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
What's Your Sign??
OK, I think they should have picked a different font for their sign....I doubt that I'm the only one who thought this read, 'Human Chinese Restaurant'. Not really the best advertising.
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Storm!!
Okay so we've covered the calm portion of the story, now let's get to the storm.
For some reason I had the feeling of pending doom when I went to bed, I just got the situation wrong. I thought I was going to sleep in, that episode of Seinfeld went through my head, you know the one where Jerry is responsible for waking up that guy for the marathon. So with that on my mind I did all I could do to avoid that happening...I brought my travel alarm clock, though failed to check the batteries ...um dead. So I attempted to set the iPod dock/alarm clock, though it seemed a bit tricky I think I mastered it. Then I phoned down for a wake-up call. And then just to be safe I also set the alarm on my phone too, it was the first time I had used that function, but as I had a couple of other back ups I felt ok. So maybe I was wrong?? Ring, ring, wake up called happened, and both my alarms went off. I felt like a master of technology! Happy, in my zen-like state of mind, I head to the shower. Now I don't know about you, but for me, the shower is where I do a lot of my thinking, most likely because it's one of the few times in a day that I'm on my own. Often many of my stories take shape there, it's kind of like my office with a lake view, work with me on this one. This particular morning I'm going over in my head, the next few steps in my day and start planning them out time wise.
*Blip*....you've now entered my thought bubble - don't worry, it's fairly safe - this time. Thoughts went like this...ok, so I'll finish my shower, do my make-up, then I'll....make-up?!! MAKE-UP???!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I didn't pack my flippin make-up!!!! You must be freakin' kidding me!! Can it be true?!
Indeed it was true. Now I've travelled a fair bit in my life and never, ever have I forgotten to pack my make-up!! Normally it's the last thing to get packed, as you can't pack it the night before because you need it in the morning. What I hadn't done before though, is spent the night before my trip in a hotel - and that's what's to blame. We headed to the hotel in the late afternoon the day before, so I didn't have that normal routine of doing my make-up and packing it as I'd finished...my make-up had be applied hours earlier. For some reason the thought of my make-up never even entered my head, I was so busy making sure I had all my cables, chargers, batteries etc for 2 cameras, 1 cell phone and 1 laptop and I must say, I give myself full marks for getting that right at least.
But no make-up...ugh, that really sucked. Now don't get me wrong, I'm far from a high maintenance gal, but make-up is pretty basic and essential for most women and add to that, I would be heading to a big party the next night to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Wrigley Canada. A bash that was to have almost 800 guests, a bash that I bought a new dress and shoes for!! So yeah, I'd like to have some make-up too!
So I try not to panic...I remember that the hotel had some stores surrounding it, so I look out the window....hmmm....the closest thing to a store selling make-up is McDonalds, and yes I do consider that as an option! Mustard could work as an eye shadow, it would bring out my blue eyes quite nicely, ketchup could easily serve as both lip gloss and blush....if applied with a light touch....OK, maybe not my best idea but it was about 5 am and I wasn't thinking straight!!
I calm myself with the realization that I'll be at the airport in plenty of time to do some shopping, I'll just pick up some stuff there. Though I must admit that while on the shuttle bus to the airport, my mind does begin to wander again as we pass Costco. Maybe I should hop off there, and then I have to remind myself that I don't really need a 16 pack of mascara, and I'm pretty sure that a keg of face cream will put my suitcase well over the weight limit! Right Mel, sit tight....you'll be at the airport soon, lots of shops there, this whole nightmare will soon be over.
I get my bag checked and I'm all ready to shop. Ok...lets see, bookstore, luggage store, souvenir store, ahhh, then I spot it...the multi-purpose/we sell everything store. In I go, magazines, chocolate bars, toys, combs, toothbrushes, hairspray, Pepto Bismol o'plenty....no make-up - nothing?!! As I weave in and out of every shop desperate to get this sorted, I notice that the luggage shop has a Burt's Bees display and I'm thrilled to have at least found a tube of lip gloss, not thrilled at having to pay $12.99 for it, but it's a start at least. I discover later when I applied it, that is had a questionable smell....I don't know who to blame Burt or his damn bees, but I block out the odd aroma just to feel like I'm a wee bit less naked in the face department. I ask the sales clerk there, - after explaining my sad story, if she knew where I could get some cosmetics.
She in turn shouts across the way to the lady at the information booth, who tells me, 'oh yes, go downstairs to 7-Eleven'. I think to myself two things, 1) there's a 7-Eleven in the airport?? and 2) they sell make-up??....I guess they've branched out since my last visit, when their top sellers were Slurpees the size of my head and frightening hamburger/hot dog offerings...hmm cool! She's the info lady, she would know so that is where my journey takes me next.
I bounce in the store with an optimistic spring in my step...do the visual scan. Seeing me in full search mode, the friendly clerk asks me if he could help me find something, I tell him I'm on the hunt for some make-up. He gives a little chuckle and replies to me, 'I'm just a black man with a blonde afro, what do I know about make-up'.
Ok fair enough, though I wasn't looking for any tips as such, just the goods, but at least he's not wasted my time. The search continues, I head to the washroom remembering that they have dispensers in there selling various products. I spot it from afar, and I can read the type on the dispenser....it reads, 'Essentials'....finally, of course that would include make-up right? Wrong!!! No make-up, however one thing that does seem to fall under that category of essentials, is temporary 'Canadian' tattoos?!! Cute sure, but essential??! Once again, my irrational side takes over and I do ponder applying a maple leaf to each cheek, thought I could go for a sort of Raggedy Ann thing, kind of a cute doll like look? Then I remind myself that I'm 43 and heading to a big corporate bash!! I will be meeting all of the head office staff for the first time, I'm starting to envision myself doing the introductions like this....'hi, I'm Melanie, the troll from BC'. They're going to notice the fact immediately anyways, so why not put a comical spin on it? It seems that the only place in the airport selling make-up won't be opened until I'm already 30 odd thousand feet in the air. I resign myself to the fact that it isn't going to get sorted until I'm in Toronto.
Fast forward to Pearson International in Toronto, where I meet up with, for the first time 2 ladies from the Calgary office, we are to share a cab to the Hotel. I tell them my sad tale and being women they assure me not to worry as we are staying at a large hotel that will sell pretty much everything in their gift shop. I feel a great sense of relief and sit back in the comfy limo/taxi and take in the sights of the city passing by. Oh, big hotels with all your amenities, how I love thee.
As we check in, I ask the girl to point me in the direction of the gift shop and do a quick (but obviously unnecessary) double check with her....'and they sell make-up right?' Now it seems it's time for the girl with the far too tight ponytail to deliver my next sucker punch...'oh make-up, no they don't sell any of that'. I reply with, 'are you flippin' kidding me?' Apparently not. I am able to get out of her that there is a Shoppers Drug Mart about a 15 minute walk away. Problem being, I haven't even been up to my room yet to changed for a dinner that I'm told I need to be ready for in a half hour or so. I head up to my room to meet my room-mate from Kelowna and share with her my nightmare. Within 5 minutes of meeting this woman for the first time, she tells me that's she's rented a car as she is originally from Toronto and would I like her to drive me to Shopper's before we have to go down for dinner? At this point, Joan has become bathed in light and has transformed from fellow Merchandiser to St. Joan - solver of all problems!! Despite being extremely short on time, we decide to go for it...racing around the city like 2 crazy women looking for Shoppers, Joan knows her way around pretty well, so the mission is accomplished fairly quick. I run in the store with Joan and proceed to buy make-up at the speed of light!! We hop in the car again, and Joan puts the pedal to the metal, back at the hotel we race up to our room where I quickly throw on a new outfit for dinner and I do a very quick application of my war paint.
We race back down to the lobby where the BC group is waiting for us. The two guys that I work with, ask me where I was, apparently they were phoning our room looking for Joan and I.
I quickly tell them my story of no make-up and their reaction - nothing! I give them a look a disgust and explain again, NO make-up packed!! Still nothing. Every woman that I've shared my story with gave me a *gasp* at least.
All I can say to the men reading this story is just imagine what it would be like to have to spend a whole day without your TV remotes....no channel surfing, having to physically get up to change the channel or alter the volume....NO remote for any of it! I do believe that I just heard a massive intake of air from my male readers!! Now you know how I felt.
Thank you all for sharing my pain - I don't think this is a mistake I'll ever repeat, but fear not, mishaps and adventures just seem to find me no matter where I am. I'm sure I'll have another tale to share very soon!!
For some reason I had the feeling of pending doom when I went to bed, I just got the situation wrong. I thought I was going to sleep in, that episode of Seinfeld went through my head, you know the one where Jerry is responsible for waking up that guy for the marathon. So with that on my mind I did all I could do to avoid that happening...I brought my travel alarm clock, though failed to check the batteries ...um dead. So I attempted to set the iPod dock/alarm clock, though it seemed a bit tricky I think I mastered it. Then I phoned down for a wake-up call. And then just to be safe I also set the alarm on my phone too, it was the first time I had used that function, but as I had a couple of other back ups I felt ok. So maybe I was wrong?? Ring, ring, wake up called happened, and both my alarms went off. I felt like a master of technology! Happy, in my zen-like state of mind, I head to the shower. Now I don't know about you, but for me, the shower is where I do a lot of my thinking, most likely because it's one of the few times in a day that I'm on my own. Often many of my stories take shape there, it's kind of like my office with a lake view, work with me on this one. This particular morning I'm going over in my head, the next few steps in my day and start planning them out time wise.
*Blip*....you've now entered my thought bubble - don't worry, it's fairly safe - this time. Thoughts went like this...ok, so I'll finish my shower, do my make-up, then I'll....make-up?!! MAKE-UP???!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I didn't pack my flippin make-up!!!! You must be freakin' kidding me!! Can it be true?!
Indeed it was true. Now I've travelled a fair bit in my life and never, ever have I forgotten to pack my make-up!! Normally it's the last thing to get packed, as you can't pack it the night before because you need it in the morning. What I hadn't done before though, is spent the night before my trip in a hotel - and that's what's to blame. We headed to the hotel in the late afternoon the day before, so I didn't have that normal routine of doing my make-up and packing it as I'd finished...my make-up had be applied hours earlier. For some reason the thought of my make-up never even entered my head, I was so busy making sure I had all my cables, chargers, batteries etc for 2 cameras, 1 cell phone and 1 laptop and I must say, I give myself full marks for getting that right at least.
But no make-up...ugh, that really sucked. Now don't get me wrong, I'm far from a high maintenance gal, but make-up is pretty basic and essential for most women and add to that, I would be heading to a big party the next night to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Wrigley Canada. A bash that was to have almost 800 guests, a bash that I bought a new dress and shoes for!! So yeah, I'd like to have some make-up too!
So I try not to panic...I remember that the hotel had some stores surrounding it, so I look out the window....hmmm....the closest thing to a store selling make-up is McDonalds, and yes I do consider that as an option! Mustard could work as an eye shadow, it would bring out my blue eyes quite nicely, ketchup could easily serve as both lip gloss and blush....if applied with a light touch....OK, maybe not my best idea but it was about 5 am and I wasn't thinking straight!!
I calm myself with the realization that I'll be at the airport in plenty of time to do some shopping, I'll just pick up some stuff there. Though I must admit that while on the shuttle bus to the airport, my mind does begin to wander again as we pass Costco. Maybe I should hop off there, and then I have to remind myself that I don't really need a 16 pack of mascara, and I'm pretty sure that a keg of face cream will put my suitcase well over the weight limit! Right Mel, sit tight....you'll be at the airport soon, lots of shops there, this whole nightmare will soon be over.
I get my bag checked and I'm all ready to shop. Ok...lets see, bookstore, luggage store, souvenir store, ahhh, then I spot it...the multi-purpose/we sell everything store. In I go, magazines, chocolate bars, toys, combs, toothbrushes, hairspray, Pepto Bismol o'plenty....no make-up - nothing?!! As I weave in and out of every shop desperate to get this sorted, I notice that the luggage shop has a Burt's Bees display and I'm thrilled to have at least found a tube of lip gloss, not thrilled at having to pay $12.99 for it, but it's a start at least. I discover later when I applied it, that is had a questionable smell....I don't know who to blame Burt or his damn bees, but I block out the odd aroma just to feel like I'm a wee bit less naked in the face department. I ask the sales clerk there, - after explaining my sad story, if she knew where I could get some cosmetics.
She in turn shouts across the way to the lady at the information booth, who tells me, 'oh yes, go downstairs to 7-Eleven'. I think to myself two things, 1) there's a 7-Eleven in the airport?? and 2) they sell make-up??....I guess they've branched out since my last visit, when their top sellers were Slurpees the size of my head and frightening hamburger/hot dog offerings...hmm cool! She's the info lady, she would know so that is where my journey takes me next.
I bounce in the store with an optimistic spring in my step...do the visual scan. Seeing me in full search mode, the friendly clerk asks me if he could help me find something, I tell him I'm on the hunt for some make-up. He gives a little chuckle and replies to me, 'I'm just a black man with a blonde afro, what do I know about make-up'.
Ok fair enough, though I wasn't looking for any tips as such, just the goods, but at least he's not wasted my time. The search continues, I head to the washroom remembering that they have dispensers in there selling various products. I spot it from afar, and I can read the type on the dispenser....it reads, 'Essentials'....finally, of course that would include make-up right? Wrong!!! No make-up, however one thing that does seem to fall under that category of essentials, is temporary 'Canadian' tattoos?!! Cute sure, but essential??! Once again, my irrational side takes over and I do ponder applying a maple leaf to each cheek, thought I could go for a sort of Raggedy Ann thing, kind of a cute doll like look? Then I remind myself that I'm 43 and heading to a big corporate bash!! I will be meeting all of the head office staff for the first time, I'm starting to envision myself doing the introductions like this....'hi, I'm Melanie, the troll from BC'. They're going to notice the fact immediately anyways, so why not put a comical spin on it? It seems that the only place in the airport selling make-up won't be opened until I'm already 30 odd thousand feet in the air. I resign myself to the fact that it isn't going to get sorted until I'm in Toronto.
Fast forward to Pearson International in Toronto, where I meet up with, for the first time 2 ladies from the Calgary office, we are to share a cab to the Hotel. I tell them my sad tale and being women they assure me not to worry as we are staying at a large hotel that will sell pretty much everything in their gift shop. I feel a great sense of relief and sit back in the comfy limo/taxi and take in the sights of the city passing by. Oh, big hotels with all your amenities, how I love thee.
As we check in, I ask the girl to point me in the direction of the gift shop and do a quick (but obviously unnecessary) double check with her....'and they sell make-up right?' Now it seems it's time for the girl with the far too tight ponytail to deliver my next sucker punch...'oh make-up, no they don't sell any of that'. I reply with, 'are you flippin' kidding me?' Apparently not. I am able to get out of her that there is a Shoppers Drug Mart about a 15 minute walk away. Problem being, I haven't even been up to my room yet to changed for a dinner that I'm told I need to be ready for in a half hour or so. I head up to my room to meet my room-mate from Kelowna and share with her my nightmare. Within 5 minutes of meeting this woman for the first time, she tells me that's she's rented a car as she is originally from Toronto and would I like her to drive me to Shopper's before we have to go down for dinner? At this point, Joan has become bathed in light and has transformed from fellow Merchandiser to St. Joan - solver of all problems!! Despite being extremely short on time, we decide to go for it...racing around the city like 2 crazy women looking for Shoppers, Joan knows her way around pretty well, so the mission is accomplished fairly quick. I run in the store with Joan and proceed to buy make-up at the speed of light!! We hop in the car again, and Joan puts the pedal to the metal, back at the hotel we race up to our room where I quickly throw on a new outfit for dinner and I do a very quick application of my war paint.
We race back down to the lobby where the BC group is waiting for us. The two guys that I work with, ask me where I was, apparently they were phoning our room looking for Joan and I.
I quickly tell them my story of no make-up and their reaction - nothing! I give them a look a disgust and explain again, NO make-up packed!! Still nothing. Every woman that I've shared my story with gave me a *gasp* at least.
All I can say to the men reading this story is just imagine what it would be like to have to spend a whole day without your TV remotes....no channel surfing, having to physically get up to change the channel or alter the volume....NO remote for any of it! I do believe that I just heard a massive intake of air from my male readers!! Now you know how I felt.
Thank you all for sharing my pain - I don't think this is a mistake I'll ever repeat, but fear not, mishaps and adventures just seem to find me no matter where I am. I'm sure I'll have another tale to share very soon!!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Calm Before the Storm
The night before my trip, I checked myself into the Holiday Inn Express near the airport - it's where all the rock stars stay. The plan was to make things a little more easy going for my 8am flight the next morning. I would enjoy my alone time, by doing a 'few of my favourite things'. Writing being one of those things, so I brought my new boyfriend Jack, as in 'Apple Jack' with me and took advantage of this time to bang out a few words. See I really am a writer, I know this image doesn't evoke the same kind of Hemingway in Cuba writer vibe, but hey, baby steps people, baby steps. True, my drink of choice is very different too, and the stories told after I've had a few bottles of water, well, they wouldn't be any different from the ones I would tell after one bottle of water, sure there'd be more bathroom breaks, but other than that, the writing would be the same. I was heading to Toronto though and Hemingway did write for the Toronto Star, so obviously we have that tight connection!
After my writing, I decide it's music time. I was thrilled that the room had an iPod dock, this would allow me the freedom to dance around the room and flail my arms wildly about without the worry of getting caught up in my earphone cord. OK, so I never danced around the room while I was there, but you do see that kind of thing in movies, so I thought I'd throw it in for good measure.
So, to re-cap, no booze and no dancing and as you can see from the time on my iPod, no late night shenanigans either. Please don't prejudge me though, I was saving my energy for when I was to meet up with my friend Sande days later. Or did I have a crazy night on my own and trash the room ala Townshend, only moments after these photos were taken? Am I covering up the truth, terrified that the details will come out later down the road in my writing career?! So am I spinning you a story to make myself look good?
Hmmm...
Anybody who knows me, knows I'd never trash a hotel room!! Sure I've done some slightly crazy things at times, but I'd hardly put walking around in the fountain of the Vancouver Art Gallery on par with destroying furniture in some mad 'creative' frenzy!! Besides, the money that I would owe from doing such an outlandish thing, would seriously cut into my clothing budget, yeah, so not going to happen!
Nope, a quite night in with the sweet sounds of Ron Sexsmith to keep me company, while I put my feet up and had a well deserved break.
Yes, that kind of sweet solitude is hard to come by these days, so I treasure such moments when they do come my way.
So this would be the calm portion of my story.
Stay tuned for the storm portion, available on news stands soon, or more accurately, here on my blog within the next week.
I know, look at me with all of this edge of your seat kind of story telling....like a cliff hanger on a soap opera!
Hello? Anyone still here??
I bet you've all just dashed away and marked your calendars with a reminder to check back...yes, that's it, I thought I heard the sounds of crowds running.
To Be Continued.....
After my writing, I decide it's music time. I was thrilled that the room had an iPod dock, this would allow me the freedom to dance around the room and flail my arms wildly about without the worry of getting caught up in my earphone cord. OK, so I never danced around the room while I was there, but you do see that kind of thing in movies, so I thought I'd throw it in for good measure.
So, to re-cap, no booze and no dancing and as you can see from the time on my iPod, no late night shenanigans either. Please don't prejudge me though, I was saving my energy for when I was to meet up with my friend Sande days later. Or did I have a crazy night on my own and trash the room ala Townshend, only moments after these photos were taken? Am I covering up the truth, terrified that the details will come out later down the road in my writing career?! So am I spinning you a story to make myself look good?
Hmmm...
Nope, a quite night in with the sweet sounds of Ron Sexsmith to keep me company, while I put my feet up and had a well deserved break.
Yes, that kind of sweet solitude is hard to come by these days, so I treasure such moments when they do come my way.
So this would be the calm portion of my story.
Stay tuned for the storm portion, available on news stands soon, or more accurately, here on my blog within the next week.
I know, look at me with all of this edge of your seat kind of story telling....like a cliff hanger on a soap opera!
Hello? Anyone still here??
I bet you've all just dashed away and marked your calendars with a reminder to check back...yes, that's it, I thought I heard the sounds of crowds running.
To Be Continued.....
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Q: Why Did the Ice Cream Cone Cross the Road?
It seems just like the chicken, he needed to get to the other side, but why?

Well from this shot it appears that he's about to be plowed down by a car...I guess that's one way to get to the 'other side'?!

Now we see him making his way across the road....

He sizes up the competition...

And he starts to bust a move, clearly to the annoyance of Mr. Little Caesars!

He's now in full, 'you can't compete with my wicked outfit mode'!
So it appears that he crossed the road for that old adage, 'location, location, location'! He knew a good marketing opportunity when he saw one.
He came, he saw and he conquered!!
It seems that Caesar has been stabbed in the back, yet again!
Well from this shot it appears that he's about to be plowed down by a car...I guess that's one way to get to the 'other side'?!
Now we see him making his way across the road....
He sizes up the competition...
And he starts to bust a move, clearly to the annoyance of Mr. Little Caesars!
He's now in full, 'you can't compete with my wicked outfit mode'!
So it appears that he crossed the road for that old adage, 'location, location, location'! He knew a good marketing opportunity when he saw one.
He came, he saw and he conquered!!
It seems that Caesar has been stabbed in the back, yet again!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Deep Thoughts
Do mishaps happen to me because I'm a writer, or am I a writer because mishaps happen to me. Hmmm....must ponder this one further.
Photo comes by way of the mirror in the loo at the hotel in Toronto. A paparazzi moment and lost in thought combo. The mirror is the perfect tool to look beyond yourself, I've done this since I was a kid. Maybe most people see what's in the mirror but I'm always looking to see what's beyond that image. Yup, I've been an odd ball for years!!
Clean as a Whistle
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Blame it on Ernie...(he's the one)
Actually, I rarely plot evil deeds in the bath, it would be too hard to hold onto a set of blueprints in the tub, which for some reason are always a part of evil deed plotting, or maybe that's just in cartoons? I'm also not one of those who can read while soaking in the suds...I really don't get how that works, how do you flip the pages with wet hands?!! I suppose one could hire a Jeeves type of person to handle such tasks, but I'm a slow reader and it would just get uncomfortable, me trying to read quickly, skipping lines to speed up the process and Jeeves using his mental stopwatch to time me, all the while thinking, 'seriously, how long does it take to read 1 page!'
The pressure would be far too great for me, my moment of relaxation would be lost, as would the plot of the story.
Then of course there would be the worry of the bubbles disappearing, my once full tub o'suds would eventually become just a few bubbles floating flat on the surface....embarrassing both me and Jeeves. So, reading is out as part of the ritual, but I haven't completely thrown out the idea of having some company with me.
In walks, (or waddles) RD into my life. RD aka Rubber Duckie is now apart of my ritual. I spotted him at the store a couple of months ago, and I couldn't resist his charms, granted he drove a red sports car - a clear sign of a mid-life crisis,(though I can't say that I'm familiar with the life span of a duck) but he did sport some cool goggles and had a jaunty way about him, I knew we were meant to be together. Since then me and RD have become fast friends, and the fact that he can't turn pages is of little concern to me, because he brings a smile to my face each time I step in the tub.
Oh and there is no worry about RD seeing me naked as the bubbles fade, he assures me that his goggles are of the very outdated prescription variety. RD wouldn't lie, would he? Though I have noticed that he always has a smile on his face.....hmmm....
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