Psst...ya wanna buy a rose bush?

Beware - mad-man on the loose!! He may be armed with a trowel and wheelbarrow - do not approach if seen, call 911!!
If this is direction that crime has taken since I left Surrey, I must say that things have improved greatly! It does make me wonder though - how much can you get for a 'hot hosta'?? How much street cred can this crime give you? Will I see some of these criminals on 'Lockdown'?

I can see it now....
Inmate 1 -'What are you in for?'
Inmate 2 - 'Doing 25 years for murder, you?'
Inmate 1 - 'I'm doing a week plus 50 hours of community service for the theft of some pansies.'
Inmate 2 - 'Oh you a pansy alright!!'

So remember kids, crime doesn't pay. Ok, well it can but I think you know what I mean.

Objects May Appear Smaller

...way smaller!! A few weeks back I forgot to take a lunch to work, no biggie, I thought I'd just hit the BK drive-thru and grab myself a Whopper Jr. and a bottle of water, and yes, I know this seems like a kids meal!! As I'm waiting to place my order, I notice that they have apple juice, so I decide that I'll get that for a change - I know, my life in the fast lane, that's just how I roll. Actually, my decision to change my bevy choice was based on the image that popped into my head of having that nice cold glass bottle of apple juice to hold against my body and feel its soothing chill. It was one of those 30c days that we'd been having, and despite having my air conditioning on, I still longed for that extra shot of cold. So I place my order and get lost in my daydream of my cold bottle of apple juice with condensation o'plenty for extra effect. I pull up to the window to get my goods. The lady hands me my tiny burger bag, and I turn to put that on my passenger seat. As I turn back in anticipation of receiving my bottle of juice dripping in cooling goodness, she hands me this doll sized carton of apple juice that you see pictured. As you can see it's even smaller than a kids sized chocolate milk, in fact I've never even seen such a tiny carton before!! When I say doll sized, I'm talking small dolls, this wouldn't even be enough to quench the thirst of Cabbage Patch Doll!! I'm actually stunned by what I'm being handed, so much so, that I just assume I must be on Candid Camera or something - the lady did give me a bit of an odd look when she handed it to me. I should've said, 'I'm sorry, I think this must be for the garden gnome in the red convertible behind me' (I am imagining that he's at the mid-life crisis stage - the bad fashion sense and the white beard was a dead give-away)! As I assumed that I was on camera at that point, I politely thanked her, and gave her a look like, 'yep, that is what I wanted', no need to laugh at me as I pull away!! It seems that the joke is on me, no TV cameras to be spotted anywhere. I honestly could've sucked back this puppy before I even made it out of the parking lot, but then I would have nothing to wash down my burger with. Instead, I had to have a bite of my burger and then tiny, wee, little sips of juice - akin to the amount of water they give you in hospital to swallow a pill, ya know, in those one inch high cups!! Luckily I didn't choke and I am able to share my story of near tragedy with you. So please if you go to BK and fancy an apple juice, see about getting a price break on a 6-pack, you'll be glad you did!

Things That Make My Heart Smile

The next chapter in the list of things that make my heart go zing!!

Interesting doors - the more worn the better - as this stands as a reminder of how many people they must've welcomed over the years.

The delightful waft of bread baking as I drive past McGavin's Bakery on Langley Bypass.

Beach glass - also known as sea glass or mermaids tears. Basically the little bits of glass that you find along the shores, that have become smooth and frosted as a result of tumbling around in the sea, and on the sand and rocks. In most cases, these little works of art got there as a result of someone littering, leaving their bevy bottles behind - although I prefer to imagine that some drunken pirate threw his empty whiskey bottle overboard in the height of his merriment- but then again, that's just me. I don't like to think of a sad mermaid. I like to say, yo-ho-ho when I find a piece, but again -that's just me.

Rusty things - I just like the way it looks, old nails, barn roofs, and especially old locks.

Chocolate - milk chocolate. Cadbury's milk chocolate makes the top of my list. I'm pretty happy with any brand from the UK though, so much better than North American chocolate. My favourite chocolate shop is Thorntons, and whenever I'm in the UK, I visit them...frequently!! My biggest love is milk chocolate and toffee, together or alone - either way, I'm in heaven! Which is exactly where I was transported to after buying myself a bag of assorted toffees from Thorntons last year. You haven't experienced love until you've had their treacle toffee....must stop here, drool becoming an issue...

A good cuppa - something so satisfying about a good cup of tea, especially on a chilly fall morning.

Jumping in puddles - I know, I'm such a child. How can you resist though...little pools of wonder just waiting to be discovered.

Rolling down a grassy hill - again, I know, I'm such a child. I just find it hard to look at a nice green rolling hill without having the thought of rolling down it. I do tend to resist though - mainly just to avoid bodily harm - damn you aging process!!

The song 'Winter Birds' by Ray LaMontagne - I think this is one of the most beautiful songs - evah!! As a chick with a poetic spirit, this song to me, is lyrically superb. Combine this with some gorgeous soothing guitar and Ray's soul-filled voice, well lets just say, this song moves me. Fills my heart with warmth - *SIGH*
If you're not familiar with this song have a listen via YouTube, and check out his lyrics too.

Linus Van Pelt - yup, I'm talking about Charlie Browns BFF. More about my love for him in a future blog. For now, I just had to declare my love for him. :-D

Boeuf of the Week

Well as you may have noticed, this isn't exactly a 'weekly' blog feature despite it's title. Quite simply because, I don't really have a weekly boeuf. Oh sure, there is always some little annoying thing that will happen but this space is more for things that get under my skin...more of a 'repeat offenders' kind of offence or a venting space for things just plain nutso!
My boeuf this week is something that we all deal with on a fairly regular basis when we're out shopping. It's featured as my current thorn as I always notice that as soon as summer hits, the amount of incidents that occur greatly increase. I'm not sure if it gets worse due to people being in a more relaxed state of mind, or perhaps it's the heat getting to them, but I find it definitely happens more frequently.
I'm speaking of those people who somehow seem to be completely oblivious to other people in their surroundings. You know, the ones who shop and take up a whole aisle - they leave their buggy right in the centre (on an angle of course) while they go off to decide what flavour of chips they want to buy...hmmm, salt & vinegar, rippled, all dressed!!
Clearly the confusion of what additive to choose, leaves them not able to see the line of people trying to get around their buggy, or to hear the same people muttering voodoo chants as they finally make their way past.
Another favourite of the people that I file under 'The Ignoramus Group', is when bumping into a neighbour or friend while shopping, they insist on blocking off the entire area where the meeting occurs, somehow this area now becomes their own. Unless you're interested in getting caught up with the fascinating tales of Aunt Mabels 'foot issues', or Uncle Bob's 'plumbing issues' or hearing what EVERYONES kids are now doing, I would suggest you just take a detour!! This group will still be there when you're on your way out. We also have families, who decide that they all have to walk in one big, spread out horizontal line. They sometimes will all hold hands, which always puts me in the mind of Red Rover - The Mall Addition. I swear one day, I'll see someone taking on their smug challenge and go bustin' right through their happy family unit!!
Red Rover, Red Rover, man with the angry eyes is going to plow you over!
Lastly in this group of people suffering from 'holiday head' are the one's who ask dumb questions, and I mean really dumb questions. Only days ago a customer was standing in front of the gum section where I needed to merchandise my product. She was taking up half of the space, so I did what I could on the other side and waited for her to shift so that I could continue with my gum guru duties. I waited and waited and then waited some more. Frankly I'm often baffled at the amount of time it takes some people to choose gum. So I continue to shuffle the remaining products in my buggy, trying to appear polite by not rushing her - when in fact I'm swearing under my breath. She turns to me with this gem of a question. 'What is the best gum to take on holiday?' My first thought is 'WHAT?'!! She's been there a full ten minutes and that's the reason why?!
I wanted to say, 'well mam, depends where you're going....Mr. Spearmint loves Europe and can take you to the most divine selection of eateries, while Ms. Winterfresh (despite her name) simply adores the tropics, but if it's a fun, no strings attached kind of get away you're after, go for Mr. Bubblemint...he knows how to show a girl a good time!!
I decide against sharing those thoughts with her and ask. 'well what flavour do you like?'. She replies, something minty. Now this is where my extraordinary skills as a gum guru come into play...I say, 'ok, how's about peppermint?' She looks at me as if I'm bathed in light and my words have been sent from God, takes the gum that I recommend and thanks me for my help?.
These are just a few of the challenges that I have to face at work - it's a tough job, but I guess someone has to do it! I sometimes wonder how I manage to stay so sane. ;-)

Design Intervention

The kind of thing that I love....

This photo was taken in my mum's hospital room, in the ICU ward - obviously not the most pleasant ward to be spending time in. Although, at least in this case she had a corner window room with a bit of a view. However, the outside view wasn't the one that gave her the most pleasure, it was the view of this cute little bird.

As soon as I walked into her room, I exclaimed in my usual childlike manner, 'oh look at that wee bird, he's so lovely!!' By using a Sharpie, someone had transformed an ugly rip in the drywall and turned the mess into this adorable little nature scene. Much more uplifting for the patients I'd say!! I hope they don't paint over him though, I'm sure he brings a smile to the everyone who sees him.
So very tweet!!

Flavah of the Month

On the menu board this month is Ben Parker. This chappie came to me by way of a song on a CD that UK friends Chris and Erica made for me a couple of years ago. The song was one from when he was in the dynamic duo, Ben & Jason - they managed to be dynamic despite the lack of masks and capes. When I was in the UK last year the same peeps added some tunes on my iPod for me and Ben Parker was one of those additions....you guessed it kids, he played the role of Ben, in Ben & Jason!! They added 2 of his songs, 'Survive the Rain' and 'Angels & Demons', both of these songs have for months, become part of my morning routine. Even when I shower, I take my iPod and portable speaker system with me...and well, it is there that Ben sings to me. He continues to sing to me throughout the rest of my morning, and he often makes me leave for work much later than I had originally intended to - lucky for me, my start time is very flexible, which is good as I often continue to listen to him via his Myspace or YouTube.
He's so much more than your average bear, his beautiful voice combined with some pretty fantastic song writing really takes me away - obviously not in the direction of work though!!
You must do yourself a favour and check him out, I get more hooked with each listen. 'One Of Us Must Change' (this tune reminds me of Queen a little - the song is amazing!), 'It's Not What You Are', and 'This Message' are some of my current faves, but again, they're all pretty fab. His latest offering, Dream Painted Gold is so much more than your typical pop song, which is why I love his music so much, not a bit of useless fluff to be found anywhere....oh, how it makes my heart sing to listen to well written music. He never takes the typical 'rinse and repeat route'...hallelujah!!
Don't forget to check out his former Ben & Jason work too...more great music for ya....actually their song, 'I'll Always Want You' is also part of my morning musical tour, this song is quietly epic...trust me, that will make sense to you when you have a listen, it is one superb offering, has a bit of a Rufus Wainwright feel to it, with a dash of Fiona Apple.
So there you have it, slowly you'll be able to put together my whole day in musical terms, mornings with Ben, work cruising with Chris.....maybe next month I'll feature who I listen to while I eat...I know, edge of your seat kind of suspense!!!
So give your ears the pleasure of listening to the super talented Ben Parker.
Ben can be found at http://www.myspace.com/benparkermusic and of course, you can see him in action (sans cape) via YouTube.

Before I wrap it up, I just need to bang the Chris Keys (last months' Flavah) drum one more time. In the time since I wrote about him, my copy of his EP Hitman has been delivered. As you may know my listening habits can be classified as 'Rainman' like - I usually have about max. 6 cd's in my regular rotation at a time. I play them over and over, so I get to know them pretty thoroughly. I've been playing Chris's EP almost everyday, and I must say it makes a lovely addition to my commute, great cruising music.
Aside from the songs I mentioned in the original blog, Open Seas and Reliving are another two stand-outs. Most played tune at the moment is Fix It, it's an especially beautiful tune with rich guitar. I've played that particular song so many times, that I even felt qualified to give Chris my suggestion for a little instrument addition - hey who doesn't love a shot of harmonica?? What can I say, I'm an avid listener! So that's my reminder for you to check him out and of course Ben too!
http://chriskeys.com/
http://www.myspace.com/chrisjkeys

Curtain Call

Snippets of my life in theatre format because...
All the world's indeed a stage
And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another's audience
Outside the gilded cage - Rush via Shakespeare

The setting - Discount store selling a variety of items - some useless, others perhaps useful.

Act One -

Lady (to be played by me)- enters shop upon her husbands suggestion, wanders somewhat aimlessly only half taking in the odd mixture of items as her main focus is controlling her 2 crazy boys. Ponders the fact that despite the lack of customers, there seems to be no lack of staff.

Bearded staff dude with somewhat 'surprised look' eyes spots lady and makes his way through a maze of garden furniture and accessories, weaving in and out of chairs, past tall metal crane sculptures, under over-sized outdoor clock on stand (why?) and finally reaches lady.

Beard guy : 'hi', 'is there anything I can help you with today?'

Lady : (although wanting to say- yeah you could help me get my kids to listen) replies: 'no thanks, I'm cool - just havin' a wander.'

Beard guy - exits stage, left then right, then under the clock again, and another sharp left - careful to avoid being impaled by the crane.

Act Two -

Lady suggests to husband that they wander separately each taking one child to avoid the constant attempt for 2 hot, tired children to give each other the stink eye.
Husband (to be played by Tony) agrees and takes the red-headed one.
They go their separate ways.

Act Three - (the mime portion of the play combined with some interpretive dance??)

The setting -
Lady and brown eyed boy continue to wander aimlessly through shop. Lady continues to wonder, what kind of people shop here - feeling a bit like Alice in Wonderland after she fell down the rabbit hole.
The PA is playing 'Get into the Groove' by Madonna. Lady is getting bored and searches for husband and the red-headed son. As she approaches each aisle she looks down hoping to spot them.
Before she can look down the next aisle a portly man in sweat pants and a t.shirt that is clearly far too small for him, steps out in front of lady - he stares directly at her with no expression on his face, stands there, and does a few bizarre shimmy dance moves to the lyrics - 'Get up on your feet, yeah, Step to the beat, Boy what will it be' and then just turns and goes back down his aisle in a fashion that reminds the lady of a koo-koo clock figure stepping out for it's few seconds of glory and then hiding away again. High emphasis on the word KOO-KOO!!
Lady merely stares blankly in return and continues on her quest to leave the store.

Act Four -
Now back in the safety of their vehicle, although curious why the dancing man chose her to give his free show to....is even more curious as to why this kind of bizarre occurrence happens on a fairly regular basis to her....hmmmm....could it be my perfume??


More plays to follow...my ability to attract the world's strangest people is second to none!! And perhaps I'll even do a little classic theatre and relive some of my old favorites.

P.S. Rush's Limelight is still a wicked tune, back to YouTube for another listen.