Saturday, February 9, 2013

I Have a Theory

The other morning while making sandwiches for school lunches, the same frustrating thing happened to me...I temporarily lost track of where the bread clip was.  You know, that little plastic square that keeps the bag closed.  For some reason when it's time to close the bag up, it's nowhere to be found.  I mean, it doesn't just happen once or twice, it seems to be a pretty regular occurrence.  This got me wondering, 'where does it go?'

It's like at Christmas, when I make a serious commitment to get a whole lotta present wrapping done it one session.....I know I'm going to spend a decent chunk of time on the activity, so I take all of the required supplies in the room with me, gift, wrapping paper, tags, pen, scissors and tape all within easy reaching distance to me.  I throw on some music to add a little zen like calmness to the affair and I'm ready to begin.  Present one....done, present two done....present three....almost done...where's the tape gone??  Lift up paper, move presents....where is the tape??!!  I haven't can't be far...move, was here two seconds ago!!  Eventually, after much frustration I give up...stomp back to the kitchen, muttering curse words and search out another roll of tape.  I return to the scene of the crime and try to rekindle the zen like moment.  Which inevitably is ruined 10 minutes later when I can no longer find the scissors!!  But on a positive note, the search for the scissors usually results in the location of the first roll of tape...which somehow magically appears in a spot that I'm sure I already looked at many times - it's all very David Copperfield!

Any way, I digress - back to my original mystery....
Bread clip missing - again.  First off, it would be nice if the manufacturers of such pieces could make them in colours other than white and beige, which just so happens to be the colour of many kitchen counters.  True they sometimes come in hospital blue or a sickly pink colour, but for the most part they're pretty neutral.  Once again though, I try to be logical about the situation.  I've only just dabbed it down, how far away could it be?  So I move the bread, plate and anything else in the vicinity and the visual search begins.  Looking for the neutral clip against my neutral counters, I'm starting to feel like I'm in one of those wildlife shows!  I can hear David Attenborough's voice in my head....'and here we see the human searching for the elusive bread clip, notice how the bread clip blends in with it's surroundings.'  Notice?...notice?....if I could notice it, I wouldn't be looking!  Advantage you Mr. Attenborough, because I can't see the bloody thing!
Once again though, some magic seems to happen as at some point later in the day, the clip almost always reappears.  Very curious I thought.  That is until I put 2 and 2 together and got my version of 4.  I am a Secret Agent after all and this was a mystery that needed to be solved.  Though I can't confirm my findings, I do have a theory.

I mean tape and scissors seem to go missing only around Christmas, a petty crime in the whole scheme of things but bread clips and socks go missing all the time,   That's right people I said socks!!  They are the missing piece in this puzzle, I believe they are the pull that persuades good bread clips to go bad.  Now I'm a bit sketchy on how they pull it off, but I'm guessing teleportation is involved!  Although they may seem like an incredibly mismatched pair, I'm thinking this is a classic case of 'opposites attract'!  I'm not sure if a bread clip is the true opposite to a sock, but work with me.
I don't know why my visuals go straight to this, call it a gut feeling I guess, but I think the bread clips meet up with the socks in some kind of nightclub similar to Studio 54.  I have no idea what they do there and maybe it's best that I don't know!  I think, the bread clips somehow teleport themselves to this forbidden disco meet up with the mismatched socks of the world, have a grand ol' time and at some point become so consumed with guilt that they teleport themselves back to my kitchen counter before I have a chance to figure out what's going on.  Well no more you floozie bread clips, the jig is up!!  The smell of smoke on your clothes, the smeared lipstick, the torn nylons, it all reeks of a tawdry night on the town!
We all know socks are rebellious, but I have to admit that I was shocked to discover that bread clips could be so easily pulled over to the dark side - even with it's ever so tempting promise of cookies!  If we could catch the socks when they are young before they rebel, try to keep them in pairs as they were intended to be....I mean, bread clips could even help keep them together - both figuratively and literally!  Alas I fear it may be too late for the socks, but maybe, just maybe we can save the bread clips.  So next time you remove them from the bag, put them in your pocket...keep them in your hand...just don't take your eyes off of them!  Let's work as a community and solve this issue.  Socks, enjoy your partying, lounge away in a velvet booth, dance around in glitter until 5am, drink your fancy schmancy drinks all you want but please hook up with your own kind and leave the clips alone!

Of course, I could be completely wrong, but why else would this visual be so vivid in my head?  I haven't heard any other explanations for these missing clips.  I'm going to trust my gut, but hey - it's just my theory.

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