Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Rage Against the Machine

As today was a beautiful sunny Canada Day, it seemed like the perfect time to wash the cars. I know, I know, I should've been enjoying a 'dog and bevy' at one of the many local celebrations but the car thing needed doing...badly.

We did have the radio on and the kids did get to play with their water guns, so who are you to tell them it's not a celebration?? If I tell the kids it's a is!! I did partake in the watching of some CBC Canada Day coverage, so I do believe I did my part on the 'woop-woop go Canada' front.

Right, back to the car washing. So Tony is responsible for the cleaning of the outside of the cars and I take care of the inside. Let me tell you, the inside takes a lot longer than the outside does! Well at least if I'm doing them that is.
As I am, albeit a former, perfectionist (dropped that title quick like after having kids), I like to do things a certain way. My mum of course always refers to this as me being a 'fuss ass'....well, mother isn't that good parenting!! Name calling, nice. ;-)

I can't really dispute this title and actually don't find anything wrong with liking things a certain there.
When I do a job, I like to do it well and I expect the same from others. When I say 'others' I'm even referring to the tools that help me get the job done.
So I find it highly disappointing when my vacuum doesn't pull his weight. We have had 'the talk' before and he has been warned that poor performance will lead to his dismissal if I don't see any improvement. We've even taken him quite recently for a tune-up just to prove that indeed we are a team, and there is no 'I' in team as they say. At the end of the day though, he is a vacuum and really all I ask of him is to suck up the dirt and debris that is a part of our everyday lives. Shouldn't be a biggie. If I was asking him to amuse me with a little tap dancing and he couldn't provide me that...I'd understand. Clearly he is lacking in the leg department so I would never be that unreasonable.
His job is simple...just suck!! So can I tell you that it brings me great distress when working with him, that he will sometimes suck up small pebbles with the greatest of ease, yet turn his nose up at the seemingly lightest piece of fluff.
Now, I'm not sure if he does this just to annoy me, perhaps he finds it amusing to watch me try and pick up the same piece of fluff, over and over again....maybe it's a character flaw on his part to enjoy seeing the anguish in my face.

Don't get me wrong though, as I truly am a good person, I don't want to see him fail.
I will reposition that same piece of fluff over and over giving it a new location each time, just so my vacuum has another chance to prove himself. I want him to feel good about his performance, I don't want him filled with self doubt.
Of course it would be easier if, when I picked up that piece of fluff the first time to just put it up to his sweet little suctiony lips and let it go....but nope, I'll take my time to untangle those bits of fluff from that lovely industrial strength carpet that they put in all cars. You know the ones, where everything becomes completely embedded in them. For some reason, I just can't seem to block out that one lone speck of white fluff that won't budge.

So as attempt after attempt fails, and me muttering under my breath, "no, YOU suck!",
also seems to have no effect on him picking up that fluff, I give in. I pick up the fluff and put it straight to the tube...yep, you heard me 'the tube'. No more sweet lips for you mister.

Don't think he's won though, I can assure you that when review time rolls around, Mr. Panasonic Quick Draw, (yeah right!) won't be getting a raise, nor any additional holidays. And as for that corner office he's had his eye can forget it buster!!! Oh and Mr.PQD, I do believe that strictly 'no-name' bags are in your future!!
That will teach him to mess with me.
Word to the wise Ms. Broom...I'm watching you...I'm watching.

1 comment:

  1. Pat - Class of '73July 2, 2008 at 7:26 PM

    Best one to date SAM. I'm a fan of all things sucky.