Boeuf of the Week

Ok, here's my latest rant...
The commercial for MultiGrain Cheerios....and I mean the ridiculous 'American version'. The one where they've dubbed an American accent over the British accent....and to add insult to injury, it's an extra annoying American accent!!
Do me a favour! Was it that difficult to understand?? They played the British one for months and then all of a sudden, along comes this new version. Did Americans complain that they couldn't understand what they were saying?? Maybe they could've made it easier but slowing it down or perhaps adding sub-titles.

Sub-title example -
Actual British version - 'what are you eating?'

American sub-title - 'what are you eating?'

Perceived British version (Steve's part to be voiced by *Dick Van Dyke) -

'ello Gov'nah' wot's dat you eatin' den? Cor, day look good don't 'ay, I could murder meself a bowl of dem. Maawl-ee grain you say? Well, I nevah.
You lookin to drop a few stone den darlin'...ah don't be daft, corse you don't need-oo...but it's much bet-ah for you den a bacon sarnie in'it? Etc, etc...

*(Van Dyke's attempt at a cockney accent was cited as one of the worst film accents in a 2003 poll by movie magazine Empire.)

My solution is to release a third version of this commercial...
In this version, it would start off 'American'...then when the woman asks, 'what else does the box say?'
I'd like John Cleese to pop out of the box and say...'my parrots dead, my parrots dead'! Then he'd start asking for cheese....(check out YouTube for full understanding of these references ;-) )
I think that would be no more absurd then the current 'Wonder bread' version!!

Now, not even a 'Spoon Full of Sugar' could make me cereal taste good now....it's put me right off.
They've made a right dogs dinner of it!!!

Things That Make My Heart Smile

This feature is mainly set up to remind me all of the things that I love, from the big to the small, and from the common to the obscure. It will be a good reminder to me and maybe you too, of all the things in life that make us happy. I think it's important to find joy everywhere, as I've always been a naturally optimistic person, I try to find something good in almost all situations. If you're open to it, I think in a way, it finds you. It is second nature to me, as it's how my mother is, and how she taught us, and how it was shared with her by her parents and grandparents. I notice my own kids picking up on things in a similar way now too, which makes me really grateful. Life is going to throw you it's fair share of curve balls, but if instead of always trying to dodge them, maybe if you thought...wow, that ball sounded wicked flying past my head...you'd at least come away with something good. As I am a self confessed kooky chick, my list may have elements to it that seem downright oddball, but that is where the pleasure lies. Being aware to of these things for me is being 'alive' and appreciating the experience of being able to kick around on this ol' planet called Earth for awhile.

The List....

Big puffy cotton bally clouds - these make me crazy with love!

Trees, trees and more trees. Bare crooked Halloweeny kinds, big majestic oaks, weeping willows all swaying in the wind, fire coloured fall trees, full of blossoms trees, odd textured trunk trees....any type of tree!!

The snapping sound of a perfectly ripe grape!! Ya know that little 'snap' when you bite into a grape in its prime...so sweet and lovely.

The colour of prune plums....I love the variation of their colouring...how parts of them even look dusty. When I lived in Surrey, we had plum trees and I loved picking them and studying how amazing their patterns were - quite exquisite I thought! Also the contrast of colour from the outside to the inside, most cool indeed!!

School House Rock!!
'Conjunction, Junction, What's Your Function??' and 'I'm Just a Bill' were two of my favourites! Both performed by jazz great Jack Sheldon...he is one cool cat!! I think that this would've been a fantastic way to learn all of our lessons at school...in the form of some catchy little ditty...I would've got straight A's had that been the case! Thanks to YouTube, I can relive these moments over and over again....also available on DVD, must buy that!

Mr. Dress-Up - my favourite show as a kid. I thought that he was just the greatest artist...evah!! I loved the shelves that were full of toy animals and of course the Tickle Trunk...man...how could you not love that!! Let's not forget Casey and Finnegan, living in their cool tree house. Although I always thought that Casey was a little cheeky, I just adored Finnegan...with his floppy gray ears, I thought he was sweetest dog. Just thinking about his cute little face makes me happy! The only part of the show that I didn't like was when Mr. Dress-Up would go over to talk to the sinister owl...as much as I've always loved birds...this one scared me. He'd be all sleepy in that picture and then every now and then he'd wake up and say some cryptic message!! I'd think, please Mr. Dress-Up, just keep walking...don't stop to look at him!!

The number 7 - always my favourite number. I was born on the 27th in 1967, at 11:07 and weighed 7lbs 13oz, ooh, and my name has 7 letters. I think that's where it started and the number has just always felt right to me. The house where I lived in Surrey had two 7's in its address, as does the house where I live now. The list goes on and on.

Star-filled nights - for some reason, this still can take my breath away. I think seeing a dark night sky full of twinkling lights is just magical. I whirl around like a child with complete fascination whenever I witness this sight.

Donkeys - I don't know what it is about them, but I just think they're really lovely.

The sound of a baseball being hit...by a wooden bat. I don't know how to put that sound into words, but I think we're all familiar with it. It's a great sound.

Ok, that's the beginning of my list, I will continue to add to it as I think of other things that bring me joy. :-D

Boeuf of the Week

Okay my first entry for 'Boeuf of the Week' comes courtesy of my dentist appointment yesterday. Just a regular check-up/cleaning...no biggie really. My boeuf is with the hygienist that I had, a lovely woman - don't get me wrong, but I believe that I could have easily suffered my demise in the recline position of her chair yesterday.
My issue is her lack of suctioning skills....for some reason during the 'always fun' scaling portion of the visit, she found it necessary to keep the water gun thingy running at a force that I'm sure is the equivalent to the pressure used by the fire department, in combo with just leaving the suction thingy hooked to the side of my mouth...which I might add, gave me a frightening insight into how a hooked fish must feel!! Now, she did occasionally, pick it up and suction, but nowhere as often as I needed. She seemed to be getting lost in her own world, humming away to soft rock tunes....and personally, I could do without an even softer version of the likes of Air Supply and Phil Collins!! For the love of God....isn't it about time that we made soft rock radio stations illegal??!! Also, given the fact that it is extremely hard to swallow with two hands jammed in your mouth - well lets just say I'm happy to have made it out alive!!
Note to my family - if at some point this is indeed how my life is to end, please put in my obituary that I died in a water related accident - that sounds so much more adventurous than saying...I popped my clogs as a result of choking on a lethal cocktail of my own saliva infused with the freezing cold dentist water....oooh the humanity!!!

Flavah of the Month

Okay, this is a new addition to my blog, although one that I had planned on doing since I started SAM. As you may already know, I love music...if you didn't already know that, you obviously haven't read my entry 'I've Got the Music in Me'...and if that's the case shame on you!...I shall send you to the dungeon where you can think about what you've done - or in this case, haven't done!
I have always searched out new music, as I've always found radio a bit bland.
Unfortunately I think a lot of the best music never finds the audience that it deserves. I find new music in a variety of ways, through reviews, friends' recommendations, or diggin' around the internet and sometimes, just sometimes, when the stars align, the music just makes its way to me. That is the case with the first artist to be featured as 'Flavah of the Month'.
FYI, these are the kind of flavahs that you'll want to go back to time and time again, like a great classic vanilla ice cream as opposed to a licorice ice cream...blaaaah, please don't even tell me that you like that!! Gawd it looks like 'tar in a cone'....nummers?!!
The point is, I don't view these as passing fancies, I'll choose artists that I believe have substance and ones that I look forward to following their careers. In this feature, I will share wid ya what I'm currently listening to, some may have been around for awhile and some are quite new...but I think all of them are pretty great. Hopefully, you'll have a listen and agree.

So without further adieu - how fancy hey?! ;-) (I guess that was further adieu!)
My first 'Flavah of the Month' is....Chris Keys! (Insert fireworks sound effects now). He's a 26 year old, singer/songwriter from Belfast, Northern Ireland. An unsigned gem.
His songs are rich and full, and well put together. His voice has a beautiful tone to it, and has an essence about it that just draws you in.
Check out his sites for a video sampling. Shooting Star is a catchy little tune that will have you singing along by the second playing of it, and Under the Streetlight is a beautiful song that has a soothing quality about it - the chorus just kills me...so sweet to my ears. More info on Chris can be found through the following links - check 'em out, more fab songs are posted there... become a fan on Facebook, order his EP, download his songs or just drop him a line and let him know what you think.

http://www.myspace.com/chrisjkeys,
http://chriskeys.com/

One year later....

Well, it's been one year since I started this blog and I've been lucky enough to have a few of my peeps interested enough to read it, and for that, I thank you!
The original reason I started this was to empty my head every now and then of all of the craziness that goes on inside it...whether it be my poems, or short stories or just my random ramblings. I haven't added much of late, but hopefully that will change with the aid of some new features that will allow me to add more in less time.
Don't get me wrong...the short stories will still appear, it's just that free time is somewhat scarce and to find a block of time to write a longer piece is difficult. Plus the fact that I go over them again, and again to make sure they say exactly what is in my head and I don't post them until I'm happy with the finished product...well, let me tell ya kids...it can take a while!! I do have one story that has been it the works for a long time - still not happy with the flow of it, so that baby is on hold - for now. You will get from this photo an idea of how my head works...I know, it's terrifying isn't it!! This mass of paper is what flies out at me, like one of those cans o'fake snakes every time I open my file drawer. This is about 20+ poems that are in the works...sometimes I write a poem in one fast and furious session and other times, the smallest thing will inspire a line or two in me and I just jot those down. Often these ideas come to me while I'm driving to work aka my 'alone' time. I have to write them down as soon as they enter my head or they will be forever lost in the great abyss known as my brain. I often do this while I'm driving, which by the way I don't recommend, but that is the reason that they are written on the likes of a napkin and in my work note pad.
My head always has about a gazillion ideas whizzing through, so I have papers everywhere with ideas scribbled down...yup, I do have a journal to write this stuff down in an orderly fashion but it is located 2 drawers down in my file...so obviously, super inconvenient to get to!!! What am I like?! They will make it to the 'good copy book' at some point, but in the meantime my ideas are floating around all over the place in a fashion that's similar to the sensation you get when you rub your eyes...ya know what I'm saying?? All them floaty things everywhere that make you question...did I do LSD?? Tres weird!
So, coming to a theatre near you soon-ish are new features like, 'Flavah of the Month' - a journey into the music that I'm diggin. 'Boeuf of the Week' - a place to vent about the stupidities of man-kind, 'Things That Make My Heart Smile' - a list of random things that I adore, and I may even throw in a few things that I wrote with an old pal of mine, under the title, 'Adventures of Pat & Marge'.
So please stay tuned folks.....plenty more madness to come!! Insert evil laugh track now..

I've Got The Music In Me.

Yup, it's true....I am wired for sound.
There is little in life that I enjoy more than music. I am a junkie and I got hooked at a pretty early age.
Our house was always filled with music, especially on a Sunday. While some people attended church, we learned to worship the Gods of music. For my mum, these were the likes of Hank Williams, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn and pretty much anyone else who grew up singing on a porch somewhere in rural America. My mum could tell you, who hit the bottle too much, who cheated on who, who owned a three-legged dog....whatever you needed to know - she could tell ya. She also loved Engelbert, Johnny Mathis and of course Tom Jones - if you're Welsh, it's the law, you have to love the Tom. Failing to do so would result in being stoned to death or being burned at the stake....I believe you had the choice.
My dad on the other hand, loved the Rat Pack, especially Frank and Dean. Those were definitely the most played, but his record collection was vast and varied. Motown artists, big band, show tunes, pretty much a little of everything.
He housed his collection in a front room closet that he converted with just shelves to hold his hundreds of records. He also went to the effort of cataloguing each and every one, and assigning them with a reference number, that I'm pretty sure could only be cracked with the aid of an Enigma machine.
Every Sunday, for many years of my childhood I would be awoken by the sounds of my dad singing to Frank or Dean in his microphone - yes, not only did he have a mic, he had a reel to reel set up and a lightbox from Radio Shack that would pulsate to the beat of the music and send off the most dazzling array of colours throughout our living room. We had our own Vegas style lounge right in our house. On occasion, if friends were over on the weekend, I would have to hurry them past the living room down the hall to my room. Then once in the safety of my room, they'd ask....'was that your dad?' I'd reply, 'I've never seen that man before!'
On trying to escape out of the house we'd again, have to pass this spectacle, I would have to warn, 'pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, well more correctly - saloon doors. My parents actually installed saloon doors between our living room and kitchen - I guess the feeling of the 'wild west' was a decorating trend circa 1977?! Perhaps an ode to Gunsmoke?
Next, heading out the back door we'd have to pass by my brother and some random hippie friend, playing guitar on the back steps. I could tell which one was my brother due to the Dylan t.shirt which he was rarely without, other than that give away, they all looked the same to me. Shaggy brown hair, sandals and a guitar.
Most of my childhood memories have some sort of musical connection.
Whether it be searching for an Elton John poster to give my brother Jeff for his birthday, or having my other brother, David, try to convince me to make him 'flame pants'. Yet another one of his hairbrain ideas, he thought this could be part of his stage get-up. Inspired by KISS, he was ready to hit the world of rock n' roll and hit it hard. Never mind the fact that he had no musical talent to speak of, all he needed was some cool jeans with flames on the legs and the ability to shoot flames from his mouth! The latter, he could do! This would be only one of many schemes that he would try and recruit me for...I'm sometimes amazed that I managed to survive all of it!
Even our TV viewing usually involved music. Despite the fact that we only had channels U-13 and had to 'clunk,clunk' our way to each one of them, we still managed to fill our that big ol' console screen with tunes.
Parent faves of Lawrence Welk ( ah-one and ah-two, and of course the bubbles) and Hee Haw with Mr. Roy Clark, and then the shows that they would try and convince us were for us, Donny and Marie and the Rene Simard Show (granted he was hotter than Lawrence).
I can even remember being about 15, at McDonald's with a few friends, and singing along to the muzak. I hadn't even realized that I was doing so, until several songs in, one of my friends said, 'how do you know all of this music?'
I replied, this is Charles Aznavour...don't you know it too? It was then that I realized that indeed, I had the music in me.
There is no escaping it and for that, I am very grateful growing up exposed to such an appreciation for music.
Music has soothed me through every rough patch in life and been with me to celebrate the triumphs and every emotion in between. It can take me away to almost anywhere that I want to be, and in almost any situation, I really can find the answer in a song.
There is no greater joy for me, than to listen to a good song. One of the best things that I've passed on to my kids is my love for music and now I have 2 boys who love music as intensely as I do.
I've got the music in me....and now, so do they!

Buggin' Out!!

Ok, let me set the scene for you....I've just set off for work, lovely crisp morning, the sweet sounds of Ron Sexsmith fill my car, perfect conditions for a nice relaxing commute to Abbotsford.
I'm only a couple of blocks from my home, and as I pull up to the stop sign.....I see it....yes IT!! He is sitting there with evil intent in his eyes, and he's looking at ME...GULP!!
I'm pretty sure he has massive fangs and if I had a microscope in my glove box...I could've confirmed that fact, but as I don't always carry one with me, you'll just have to believe what I say to be true. My initial feeling of sheer terror has now at least been replaced with only mild terror. You see, on first spotting I thought my it was a spider who decided to hitch a ride on my steering column but upon my second glance I can see it's just some weird coloured beetle-y thing. Not much bigger than a ladybug, but still big enough to take a sizable chunk out of my body if he so desired! Now, I know that I'm a big ol'loser when it comes to the bug world and I'm fully aware of how irrational my fear is.....so there is no need to give me the old...'do you know how big you look to that little bug routine'...heard it all before...and yup, small though I am...I am bigger than a bug. Got it.
To give myself a little credit, I am getting a wee bit better with this fear of multi-legged things...(sorry for getting all technical there.) I try not to inflict pain...okay...KILL a bug on his own turf. I have made that pact with the bug community long ago, but when they enter into my own space, well then, it's sort of like when an opposing gang strolls through your territory...ya know, like I'm the Crips and they're the Bloods....wearing their little bandana's, showing up in my hood, and getting all up in my face.
Okay, clearly I have been watching way too much Lockdown....note to self, cut down the watching of prison documentaries to 2 episodes per night, max!
Anyways I think you get where I'm coming from....he's on my turf!
There are several breaks in the traffic, giving me plenty of opportunity to leave my place at the stop sign, but I can't move until I can sort out this tough dilemma.
If I leave him be, one of two things will surely happen...both with dire consequences. I could ignore him, just forget he's there (ya right!), but if I do that, and at some point he hits the runway for take off, well then I may get startled and drive into oncoming traffic...this would cause a chain reaction of brake slammers, and undoubtedly cause a 20-30 car pile up...not good! If I ignore him and he goes AWOL, then I would be worried as to where he went. I think we could put money on the fact that if he moved from where I could see him, he would head straight down to my leg, embedding himself under my skin...where he would go unnoticed for weeks, feeding on my flesh until he got so big that there would be a noticeable lump under my skin and one day it would just POP!! I think this may've happened to someone before...I think I saw a show about it on TLC.
So I guess for my safety, and that of the public too, I must 'deal' with him.
Now if he had picked the ledge of my door to sit on, then I would've merely given him a light flick to freedom. As he's chosen a slightly rounded place to sit, I can't risk trying to get him to climb on a piece of paper so I could then release him...to difficult to maneuver - I'm afraid I'm left with no choice other than a quick and hopefully painless 'disposal'.
Now, I'm not one to normally play the 'damsel in distress' card, but GAWD if there is ever a time when I feel tied to the tracks, it's when I'm faced with those in the creepy crawly world. I am alone though...and I must do it.
I open the glove box to grab a napkin to help me do the deed. DAMN!! Where is a grease stained Wendy's napkin when you need one - another note to self...eat at Wendy's more often and always ask for extra napkins!
I need to make my move fast before he starts to smell death in the air and tries to make a move. I go into my work bag and pull out a tissue...I don't really want to use it though, they are my 'best-use sparingly' ones. I'll have to use one...making this choice even worse is the fact that they have butterflies printed on them.
Now if that isn't a slap in the face to him...killing him with a 'bug themed' weapon.
On the other hand, knowing that the last thing he'll see is a butterfly coming at him...well it's almost like I'm not even doing it. The butterfly did it, in the silver Corolla, with the candlestick!!
I make my move...quick as lightning, it's over. Now what do I do? I have one balled up tissue in my hand containing the remains (I hope). I don't want to open it to confirm that he's in there, nor do I want to leave it in my car, in case he's still in there, playing dead until I reach work and he can make his escape.
UGHH!! Now I decide the only way to be done with this whole awful experience is to dump the body...I hate holding this thing in my hand...I need to think quick.
Within the next few blocks I decide to do something that I NEVER do....and I do mean NEVER...I have to litter!!! Could this story have any more ugly turns in it?!
I'm practically breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought of littering....see I'm not such a bad person after all...take that, you who chose to judge me early in this story!! ;-)
Once again, I feel that I have no choice and looking around I see one lone construction dude walking on the road, I wait until he turns his head for a split second and woosh...out my window it goes. I look in my rear view mirror and see my little tissue bounce on the ground and come to it's final resting spot.
In the span of a few blocks and only minutes into my commute...my serene feeling is long gone. Five minutes ago, I was happily singing along to 'Hard Bargain' relaxing in my office on wheels and now, as I approach Fraser Hwy....I hang my head in shame. I am a murderer!!
No, it's worse than that, I'm a murderer - who litters!!
So there you have it, I'm admitting my crime and I do indeed, feel remorse, so I think that I am a good candidate for rehabilitation! With the right programs I will become a better person...I promise.

Hmm....I guess watching all those hours of Lockdown were good for me after all!!